2022 - A Year of Giving, Growth, and Gratitude

Happy New Year! I actually started writing this update weeks ago and then suddenly Christmas activities took over and I'm just now able to get back to it! It's been a lovely and quiet Christmas the past week and allowed for lots of rest and reflection on 2022.

Much like all of 2022, the past two months since I last updated the blog have been so busy! So much so that I didn't realize how much time has passed! Happy to report that other than minor colds and a sinus infection for me, we've all been well and normalcy is wonderful.

[Photo Description: Ollie on skates and wearing a hockey helmet and Ottawa 67s jersey holds the hands of his sighted guide Emily on his first day of Ottawa 67s Blind Hockey/Canadian Blind Hockey Association league.]

This fall Ollie started hockey with the Ottawa 67s/Canadian Blind Hockey Association. I wasn't sure how he'd like it this year even though he was sure he wanted to try it. Last year the only time we got him up on skates he was less than thrilled and mad at me for making him shuffle around the whole rink at least once before taking the skates off. Maybe it's that a bunch of his sighted buddies at school play hockey in leagues and talk about it all the time, or that some of his friends with vision loss have been raving about the program all summer when they played Beep Kickball together and they encouraged him to come out and try it this fall. Either way he couldn't wait for the season to start.

[Photo Description: In his second week, Ollie stands on the ice on skates wearing his Ottawa 67s jersey and a hockey helmet, holding a hockey stick with his sighted guide Emily (from Ottawa's Able2) giving him instruction.]

The first practice session was to show the newbies basics and how to skate. Ollie had been a decent skater before and had even taken lessons when he was sighted. Ironically one of the last activities that he did sighted was to go skating at one of the local park rinks with me one day in January 2020 between rounds of chemo when he was feeling well enough and cooped up. He was delighted that day to push the shovel around and clear the snow, then play a bit of hockey while we had the rink to ourselves because it was a weekday. Everyone else was busy with their regular work and school lives while we were at a loss for something to do when there were no medical appointments.

[Photo Description: Ollie stands on the ice wearing and a hockey helmet at Fisher Park, holding a hockey stick in January 2020 just after round 2 of chemo and before relapsing and going blind less than 2 weeks later.]

In October, during his first week of blind hockey, Ollie noted that the new kids suffered through the basics of learning to play with the help of one-on-one sighted guides, while those who had done it before got to play actual hockey at the other end of the arena with a couple of the coaches. By week two he was determined he'd quickly join the returning kids playing hockey. Each of the four weeks since Ollie has progressed with surprising speed and many of the other parents have commented on it and been amused by how determined he is to get better at it. We're not that surprised since we know very well how committed this kid is to getting better in every way. 

It helps that the coaches and sighted guides are all incredibly dedicated and talented volunteers. The coordinators of the program, Wendy and Rob are the parents of the Executive Director of the Canadian Blind Hockey Association and do this because of their son's contagious passion for offering blind hockey across the country. The skating coach, Shelley is one of the most elite figure skating coaches in Canada and has been the Skating Development Consultant for the Ottawa Senators for more than a handful of years! Coach JoJo works with the Ottawa 67s and sighted guides like Emily (who is the Executive Director of Able2 that supported the Beep Kickball that Ollie played with the Miracle League of Ottawa last summer) come out to help each week, plus lend equipment when needed. 

[Photo Description: Ollie tries on his new to him hockey equipment courtesy of the Wright Family with his Maple Leafs jersey to tease them (they're Habs fans! 😆)].

Since Ollie had never played hockey, we were uncertain if he'd like it, so appreciated that he could try it for a few weeks without us having to buy any equipment (other than providing his skates and helmet). Plus, they often get donations of gently used equipment so that families don't have to spend a lot to get started. When we saw that Ollie was clearly psyched to do it this year, our dear friends the Wright family gave Ollie everything he needed to get started as their two boys play hockey and had outgrown a bunch of stuff they were planning on donating somewhere anyways! This allows us to pay for just his ice time for the season and we'll make a donation to the Canadian Blind Hockey Association in 2023 to pay it forward so other visually impaired kids can play at low or no cost, too.

[Photo Description: Dawn, Ollie and Mario sitting at the Ottawa Senators Hockey Fights Cancer game while Ollie shows off his new purple and white jersey. All three are masked.]

His new Ottawa 67s Blind Hockey jersey has been ordered (the first they gave him was too small once he got all the equipment on! 😆). So in the meantime, he happily wears the "real" Ottawa 67s jersey that the team gave him last spring to replace the original one that they gave him (he outgrew the first one) when Gabriel Pizza made the trip to Toronto to deliver the famous Olive pizzas (later named the Ollie's Pizza on his honour and still on their menu). Or his latest acquisition, which is the Hockey Fights Cancer Ottawa Senators jersey, which he got at their Hockey Fights Cancer game that we attended with Kids Kicking Cancer last month. He joked that it's the only way we'd get him into a Sens jersey! 😆

[Photo Description: Ollie, wearing his hockey gear and his Hockey Fights Cancer jersey works on stick handling with Coach JoJo during a hockey practice last month.]

On October 29th we were excited to be included in the Ottawa REDBLACKS CFL game when Gabriel Pizza asked Ollie to do the coin toss (as the namesake of their Ollie's Pizza) with their founder, Mr. George Hanna. The whole family was included in the festivities, with Ollie doing the coin toss with the players, Mr. Hanna and the Gabriel Pizza mascot, Chef Gabe. 

[Photo Description: Ollie stands on the sidelines of the Ottawa REDBLACKS CFL game, arm in arm with Gabriel Pizza's mascot Chef Gabe, while holding his mobility cane.]

Game day was super exciting, and the whole family (including Hope) got to go down to the field level for the coin toss. I accompanied Ollie onto the sidelines and he was almost vibrating with energy as we talked to the Hanna Family and the Ottawa REDBLACKS staff while we waited for the big moment. From fireworks as the players came onto the field to the cheer team, it was non-stop action with me trying to explain it all to Ollie quickly and accurately as he listened to it all happening rapidly.

[Photo Description: Ollie and Dawn on the sidelines with Chef Gabe, George Hanna and Rolla Hanna. Photo courtesy of Sharon Higgins from Gabriel Pizza.]

I guided him on to the field and stepped back while Ollie had his moment with the team. It happened pretty fast and Mr. Hanna did the actual coin toss while Ollie and mascot Chef Gabe stood nearby. On our way back to the sidelines I was delighted to see my old friend and former Ottawa Gee-Gees colleague/photographer Andre Ringuette of Freestyle Photography as he was shooting the game! He greeted us both (he's also a friend on Facebook and knows Ollie's story) and took an amazing shot of the two of us. 

When he sent it to me, he told me it was the "shot of the week" and I have to admit it's one of my favourite ever taken of the two of us. I love this shot because my friend who is an amazing photographer (he also shoots for the Ottawa Senators, has been part of the Canadian delegation to shoot several Olympic Games, is the official Canadian Tire Centre photographer and has photographed SO many famous music groups and artists, etc.) took it, but also because although Ollie has my arm and I am supposed to be guiding him, you can clearly see he is actually leading me boldly with his mobility cane and no fear. Much like he has throughout his cancer, stem cell transplant and transition to blindness journey. People think I am guiding him through it all, but he's really always been intuitively leading me to help him. 

[Photo Description: Ollie and Dawn walk off the field after the Ottawa REDBLACKS coin toss. The North side stands are behind them and although Ollie is holding Dawn's arm, he is clearly leading while walking slightly ahead of her and using his mobility cane. Photo credit to Andre Ringuette, Freestyle Photography.]

After the coin toss, the Hanna Family kindly invited us up to their suite to watch the game and eat with them. It was lovely to get to know Mr. George Hanna, his daughter Rolla (who also manages the Gabriel Pizza restaurant on Metcalfe in downtown Ottawa where I used to go for lunch pre-cancer and pre-COVID) and her teen son/his grandson Gabriel (born long AFTER the business was started) and we had a lot of fun, too! 

[Photo Description: White letters against the sloped green hill in the REDBLACKS end zone spell out, "OLLIEWOOD".]

A few days later a friend sent me a photo that he took at another event at Lansdowne the day after the game. In the end zone someone had put up letters against the sloped green hill that said, "OLLIEWOOD". We checked against photos from the game the day before and they hadn't been there then! We actually think it was put up for Athletico Ottawa player Ollie Bassett,  but this made Ollie laugh in delight to think that someone might have done this in homage to him! 😆

[Photo Description: Ollie sits on a gurney in CHEO's Medical Day Unit (MDU)  with Hope on Halloween. Ollie is wearing a jack-o-lantern shirt and a KN95 mask. Hope is wearing her CNIB Buddy Dog vest and holding a stuffed pumpkin that Ollie got as a gift in a loot bag and gave to her.]

On Halloween we started our day at CHEO for bloodwork, a check-up and his final re-vaccinations (Diptheria, Tuberculosis and Pertussis - ironically it was Tuberculosis that they were convinced he had before he was diagnosed with cancer, even though he'd been vaccinated for it) after transplant. Hope came with us again and made Ollie even calmer. At one point when Nurse Julie was trying to clean his arm to prepare for bloodwork, Hope kept trying to be helpful and comforting and lick him where Julie had already cleaned, so we had to hold her so we could do it without a contaminated field! 😆 

Later Dr. Brianna (who was also dressed up as a baseball player for Halloween) helped Ollie to find and listen to Hope's heartbeat with her stethoscope. Talk about full service at CHEO! 😆

[Photo Description: Ollie and Hope sit on the gurney in MDU and he listens to Hope's heartbeat on Dr. Brianna's stethoscope as she holds it in place.]

Ollie's scans when we last updated this blog had been clear, but we were still waiting on results from his minimal residual disease (MRD) test that we'd sent to Germany again to be part of a relapse study for Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma (ALCL). Thankfully shortly thereafter we got the call that the test was once again negative!  This was incredible news because it meant that we could keep him off of the Lorlatinib as the plan was always to re-start immediately if the test was positive and showed any sign of that cell still mutating and causing the cancer. 

[Photo Description: Hope licks Ollie as Nurse Julie begins to get him ready to have his bloodwork done in CHEO's MDU.] 

So the only ongoing issue besides the minor osteopenia in his lower back and hip (which his recent scans showed had actually improved again marginally), is his thyroid. Since September we've been playing with his dose of synthetic thyroid medicine to try to get to the right level. Every month he's had to go back for bloodwork to check the level again and each month it's still been too high, showing that he is now experiencing hyperthyroidism instead of the hypothyroidism he has had since transplant. 

Last month when they bumped him down for the third time to the lowest dose he's ever been on (50 mg), I asked the endocrinologist if it were possible that his thyroid is now actually functioning properly again and maybe he doesn't need the med anymore? I suggested perhaps the Lorlatinib that had been surpressing his immune system (as soon as we took him off his white blood cell count, red blood cell count, neutrophils, etc. shot up again, almost doubling even though his levels on Lorlatinib had been healthy/within normal ranges), has also been suppressing his thyroid function and now that he was no longer on the drug perhaps it was working again? She acknowledged that this was possible, but we'd still have to take the latest dose for a month and see what the bloodwork shows as it can take 4-6 weeks for the dose change to take effect. 

We'll go again this week to check, but his appetite is still very low even though the fatigue, sensitivity and outbursts have disappeared, and this makes me think we are still giving him too much med and he may not need it at all. We'll keep you posted, but my track record on predicting/analyzing this stuff has been pretty good so far.

[Photo Description: Dawn, Ollie and Hope on the CNIB Guide Dogs float for the 2022 Carleton Place Santa Parade.]

At the beginning of November, Ollie and I were invited to share his story and his transition to blindness with a university group called, Unite for Site thanks to his Kids Kicking Cancer Sensei Brian being part of the group that organizes it. It was my first time back on the University of Ottawa campus (other than at the arena where he now plays hockey, too!) in a long time and it was kind of fun to share more of my alma mater with my son. Hope came along too and the talk was well- received.

At the end of November we also once again participated in the Carleton Place Santa Parade on the CNIB Guide Dogs float. It was another beautiful night with great weather and not too cold! It was extra fun to have our friends Adam, his mom Lisa and his new Buddy Dog Henson there this year, in addition to our friends Connor, his CNIB Buddy Dog June and mom Julie. As always it was great to see the coordinator of the Buddy Dog program who gave us our Hope, Miriam. 

[Photo Description: A posting advertising Braille Night for Unite for Sight. The poster includes photos of someone reading Braille with their finger and a photo of Ollie holding up his Braille TacTiles to do math when he was in virtual school the year after transplant.]

In early December Unite for Site had us back to teach them about the basics of Braille. The event was held at the Ottawa Eye Institute just down the hall from Ollie's retina specialist's clinic and as all were welcome, we were delighted that friends Sam (who wrote the Ollie's Telescope book based on Ollie), her son Tobey, and Sensei Lyne and her husband, Luigi also came! We had a great time and Ollie was an incredibly funny and charismatic teacher. Sensei Lyne told me after that he IS teaching the world and since his vision itinerant teacher Dawne also tells me what an incredible teacher he is for the little ones, it seems maybe he is destined to be a teacher as he grows up, whether by profession or simply by passion. 

[Photo Description: Dawn and Ollie are pictured with the group that came to Braille Night behind a table with Braille materials on it. They were all excellent students!]

We recently got back our family photos that were taken during this year's #PhotosForPhoebe fundraiser for the Phoebe Rose Rocks Foundation who supported us during transplant and co-sponsored the genetic sequencing testing that helped to identify his miracle drug Lorlatinib. 

[Photo Description: Mario and Dawn hug Ollie and Abby between them in their 2022 family photos. Photo credit to Anne-Marie Bouchard.]

It was so nice to do the photos in a studio this year with photographer Anne-Marie Bouchard and to be able to meet Phoebe's mom, Jenny and her sister, Mae. As it turns out Abby knew Mae from school, but neither girl realized what they had in common beyond another friend who also volunteered to help that day. It's funny that I had also told Abby about another kid that goes to her school who had cancer (I sit on a committee with their dad) and it turns out she knew them, too and didn't realize what they had in common either. She seemed shocked that she now knew several others whose families have been affected by childhood cancer, too. The thing is cancer isolates you so much that while you're in it, you can't imagine that anyone else like you might be experiencing it, too, especially if you're a teen and think you're the only one suffering.

[Photo Description: Ollie bends down with his hands on Hope as she lies down in her halty and CNIB Buddy Dog vest. Photo credit to Anne-Marie Bouchard.]

In December Ollie and I were invited to be part of a commercial that the Canadian Cancer Society is putting together to promote the value of palliative care in hopes that the various provincial governments will increase their support across the country. We were the only pediatric cancer family to be involved and they wanted to highlight how our experience with palliative care helped Ollie to survive. This was easy because I am convinced that meeting with Sick Kids Hospital's Palliative Advanced Care Team (PACT) from the outset of his second attempt at transplant and working with them to ensure we had pain management, nutrition and psycho-social supports in place for the whole family during his transplant helped us all to get through it more easily than we expected to. Palliative isn't just about end of life care (although we have dear friends who have needed this and have seen through them the value of making children's passing as peaceful and comfortable as possible for the whole family) and we need to do more to make people understand all of it. 

[Photo Description: Ollie gets ready to do a drop-in into the bowl at The Yard during his skateboarding lesson with Jordan. The director of the Canadian Cancer Society commercial holds the camera, one of the production assistants is by his side and the boom mic can be seen in the shot.] 

So Ollie and I shot the commercial with the crew on December 8th beginning with our individual interviews at home, some b-roll of playing at home and then we took them to the Yard for Ollie's skateboarding lesson.

Ollie insisted on trying the five foot drop-in that he hadn't landed yet. He tried it twice while they are filming and took major wipe-outs, as my heart was pounding and I was holding myself back from taking him not to do it. Both Jordan and I told him he didn't have to for the camera and it didn't have to happen on that day. When we saw that he wouldn't give up, Jordan gave him a pep talk and I yelled, "I CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!", which is what we used to say over and over when he needed to convince himself that he could do the hardest things during cancer and stem cell transplant. He said a little prayer and told himself he could do it (he told me this later) and on the third try he nailed the drop-in with no hands and Jordan caught his hands as he descended into the bowl successfully without wiping out. 

[Photo Description: Just before successfully doing the drop-in, Ollie asks Jordan to hold his hand for a minute while he prepared mentally to do it. Jordan, as ever the best coach and teacher, didn't question it, just did what Ollie needed to feel ready.]

At the end they hugged so hard and the entire crew was wiping tears from their eyes. If they keep it in the commercial, it'll be interesting to see if others feel what a big deal it was for the blind ten year old cancer and stem cell transplant survivor to do this. I shared the story and the video on social media and there was a lot of fanfare including one of his personal heroes, pro blind skateboarder Justin Bishop sharing it on his Instagram story the next day. Ollie was very proud. 

The commercial was being shot with other adults across Canada and is expected to be released early in 2023. We'll keep you posted and share it when it is publicly available. We may just be a few seconds in it, but feel proud to be helping and I know that my grandparents (who were big Canadian Cancer Society supporters after the three times my grandpa had cancer) would be happy that we were doing what we could to help others to get better palliative care in future. 

[Photo Description: Ollie helps Mario to put the Christmas tree together.]

Ollie was sick for about 2 weeks with what we suspect was RSV, even though he still masks at school, as his school has had record absenteeism rates due to RSV and flu. As Ollie pointed out to us, kids were going to school sick (the principal corroborated at the Parent Council meeting that they were having to send a lot of sick kids home who were clearly sick before they got to school!) and he still had to take his mask off at lunch time to eat, so likely got sick that way. 

Ollie had his flu shot in October as did we all, and his most recent COVID booster in November and we tested for days when he got sick, so know it wasn't COVID, and no fever, nausea or vomiting, so not flu. Plus several of his teachers were out with RSV or it having developed into pneumonia over December. We kept him home over a week until the mucous stopped constantly making him miserable. 

Naturally that's how I got it on top of the sinus infection I'd been waiting for a virtual doctor's visit to address. I felt pretty rotten for about 6 days, but thankfully the doctor gave me antibiotics for the sinus infection, so when that cleared, the cold symptoms were much more manageable. Again, we stayed home and waited it out to ensure I was no longer contagious and actually felt human before venturing out again. It also meant we postponed some plans to see friends over the first days of the holidays until I was better after Christmas.

[Photo Description: Ollie stands slightly on tip-toe to put the star on the Christmas tree himself this year! He's getting so tall and already wears a men's size 10.5 shoe, so the bone specialist says he'll be tall despite radiation potentially compressing his spine.]

We actually had a quiet, but peaceful and happy Christmas. No family up and given I was sick and there was the crazy storm that happened the 22nd to 24th, glad all our loved ones were home safe and healthy, too. We saw a few dear friends in the days after Christmas for short visits when I was feeling better, but for the most part have just rested and recharged. It's been a really busy, but productive year.

Reflecting on all that we've accomplished, there's been so much personal growth and stability for all of us together and each of us individually. It's been the year we all finally got back to the "normal" of school and work and started to have social lives beyond social media or online chats again. 

On the cancer and blindness advocacy side, we have contributed to the following (many with Ollie being directly involved and others on my own based on his story) in 2022:

- 15 Research Studies related to Pediatric Cancer, COVID-19 in immuno-compromised families and Accessibility

- Member of 3 Parent Advisory Committees for Oncology/Lymphoma, and 2 Parent Advisory Committees and 1 Board of Directors for Blindness/Accessibility 

- Shot a commercial for cancer advocacy

- Had a book written about Ollie and a book signing that raised money for CHEO

- Held a Braille Night to teach people about Braille 

- Launched the CHEO Dream Home Lottery

- 11 media interviews 

- Wrote 11 blog posts and countless social media posts related to Ollie's status, cancer, it's side effects and blindness

- Made a handful of presentations on Ollie's story and lessons learned to various organizations as requested to raise awareness

- Participated in 6 fundraisers for the various charities who have helped us

- Donated blood 4 times (every 84 days as allowed)

So we're feeling pretty great about how we've paid it forward this year, recognizing that I didn't work at all the first three months, worked part time the second the months and full-time the last 6, so it's unlikely that we'd ever have this much time again to do so much!  We have a few new commitments lined up for 2023 including work to help the new Canadian Pediatric Cancer Consortium and Leukemia and Lymphoma of Canada to revamp their programs for children and youth, in addition to some of the ongoing advisory roles. 

People often ask me where I find the time or energy, but it is literally a labour of love, has helped me to heal and find meaning in the hardships that we endured, and frankly feeds my soul so much more than watching TV in my free time would! I plan to take it a bit easier in 2023 to see what else is possible for us, but Ollie and I agree that if we're asked to help and we feel we can, we will. We respect as well that Mario and Abby have needed to take a step back and do less this year so that they can move forward in their own ways, so we do it on our own these days. 

So 2022 was extraordinary in all the best ways for us and we hope and pray that 2023 will continue to be one of happiness, healing and health. Wishing all of you so much joy in 2023! Thanks for sticking with us.

Bumps, Biopsies and Bands

[Photo description: Ollie gives a thumbs up and eats a slice of pepperoni pizza from Gabriel Pizza in the Candlelighters Ottawa suite at the Canadian Tire Centre while waiting for the Imagine Dragons concert to begin.] 

I've been debating whether or not to share this. I don't want to unnecessarily cause anyone any stress or in any way be "the boy who cried wolf". In the end I decided that (as a dear and smart friend pointed out to me yesterday), it's not my job to protect everyone and some close to us might be hurt or mad that we didn't share what's happening. I also know that we're trying to give an accurate and real picture of what life in pediatric cancer really looks like and this is so common in this world, that I must include it. 

About 2 weeks ago and two weeks after COVID invaded us, Ollie had three little bumps show up in his right armpit area. I knew this because Mario or I generally help to ensure he gets into the shower regularly and I showered him that day. It is an opportunity for us to also keep an eye on what is happening to his body and look for any strange bumps. 

[Photo description: Ollie's three current bumps/lesions around his armpit. There are lymph nodes in the armpits and originally Ollie had lymphoma in both of his that lit up in his original PET scan. The scarring around his spots are stretch marks due to thinning skin from the long term use of Dexamethasone steroids to control the inflammation in his brain after relapses and his Broviac central line that was in his chest.]

I asked Mario about it and he said they'd been there a few days. As always I was more stressed in the moment than Mario was, but he reminded me that this happens and would likely go away as usual. So I took deep breaths and tried not to worry much about this as Ollie has had rash-like lesions or bumps appear off and on since his stem cell transplant in July 2020. Usually they stay for a few days then leave as quietly as they came. Generally his transplant team has suspected it's just a bit of Graft Versus Host Disease (GVHD). The traditional school of thought is that a little GVHD is a good thing. This happens when the donor's cells (Abby's in this case) attack the recipient's healthy cells, but this also means they are attacking any leftover cancer cells in the recipient (Ollie), too. It can appear as rashes or lesions.

[Photo description: On the back of Ollie's a few weeks post transplant bald head a small red bump is circled in red. This bump disappeared within days, but was the first evidence of possible GVHD and was the first episode of our fear of relapse since transplant.]

A lesion is a slightly raised spot that can look somewhat like a rash, like acne before whitehead appears or mosquito bites. Ollie originally had three lesions before diagnosis. The bump on his neck that grew and two tiny ones on his belly that never grew. Initially doctors did not think his belly bumps were related, even though I pointed out that they appeared about the same time as the neck bump. After his biopsy and Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma (ALCL) ALK+ diagnosis, I reminded them of the belly bumps and requested a biopsy of those. Dermatology did it under sedation when he was having another procedure in the OR and sure enough, those were ALCL, too.

So finding rashes and legions is not abnormal for us, but I have learned better not to freak out each time it happens. So I kind of put it out of my mind and in the craziness of the past few weeks (one of Ollie' s teaching team had COVID from a family member, so his schedule was a bit less routine with him home a bit more and I am gradually returning to work and trying to wrap up a bunch of volunteer commitments) I actually forgot about it! Fast forward to this week on Tuesday evening when I was helping Ollie get ready for bed (generally Mario takes care of helping him dress as he is getting older and more comfortable with Dad). Taking off his shirt I saw that the three lesions were STILL there! 

[Photo description: A spot on Ollie's belly in the months after transplant morphed into an eczema-like spot. It cleared up with hydrocortisone and doctors suspected GVHD. It was worrisome for days as his original bump on his neck eventually was dry like eczema, too.]

Now Mario (like a regular dad) tends to brush off little stuff and tell the kids to shake it off or ignore it, so honestly he didn't think anything of the bumps. Frankly he has no idea what day it is or of the passage of time, so when I asked why he didn't flag that they were still there, he honestly didn't think it had been more than a few days. He still didn't think it was anything to be concerned about, but I reminded him that we don't have the luxury of just hoping it's nothing because of his history. I put Ollie to bed reassuring him that it likely was minor and he shouldn't worry because that was mine and dad's job to worry about him and we'd always do everything we needed to in order to keep him well.

It had been two weeks. My PTSD started to kick in, but I breathed deep and tried to analyze the situation logically as I always have to make medical decisions for him. When looking at the situation I began to add up the following:

- We'd reduced his dose of Lorlatinib from 100 mg to 75 mg 5 weeks before. The intent was to decrease side effects such as his weight gain and anxiety. He'd seemed to respond well.

- His appetite had significantly reduced and weight had gone done a bit since then, too. But lots of appetite and losing weight can also be signs of cancer.

- He had 3 persistent lesions there and two others on his back under his armpit. They did not go away with hydrocortisone like previous spots did. The original belly spots didn't respond to anything either.

- Mario had stayed in the Clubhouse with him last weekend for a sleepover on the sofa bed and commented on how incredibly sweaty he'd been both nights. This is not uncommon for Ollie, but night sweats can be a sign of cancer.

- Ollie had been more tired lately having a hard time getting up in the morning and in some days falling asleep in the car on the way home from school. Fatigue can be a symptom of cancer.

- When looking at the side effects of having COVID, every one of these symptoms could also happen in an immuno-compromised person in the months after having COVID, especially in the first month.

[Photo description: Bottles of Lorlatinib (called Lorbrena in some countries) in 25 mg and 100 mg doses are shown as well as the three 25 mg pills that he currently takes and the former 100 mg pill that he took previously.]

It was already late so I reached out to my cancer mama sisterhood for advice and understanding. When you have an incredible network of cancer mamas around the world someone is always awake and there for you. Sam in Australia (whose son Noah we joke is Ollie's ALCL diagnosis twin as they were both diagnosed in November 2019 at age 7) was up and immediately responded. We chatted online about the situation and whether I was being paranoid, how I felt and options. As always we made each other feel better about the fear and after effects that we live with daily. It is so strange and yet so beautiful when someone you have never physically met loves you enough as a fellow human being who is hurting to put aside their own worries and wades into yours, knowing full well they may be triggered by it. I cannot express enough how important it is to have people who have lived what you have on your side. I am fortunate to have so many amazing friends and family who support us and I am grateful for every one, but no one understands you and how you feel like someone who has walked miles in your shoes. I am grateful always for Sam and also to mamas Christine, Julia, Lisa and Kelly who live this daily and helped me handle the myriad of emotions over the past few days.

So now I was certain we needed to tell his team whether I was being paranoid or not. I'd rather be paranoid and wrong (please let me be wrong) than too late. And if it is COVID or an exposure to some other childhood illness, his team needed to know.

I messaged his post bone marrow transplant (BMT) clinic nurse Julie and explained the situation, including pics. I told her I knew it was not urgent, but it was important that we check this out and that I was flagging it for Dr. Abbott for her to look at during our regular checkup and blood work next Monday. Julie is amazing and called me at 7:40 am the next day, telling me she'd shared with the doctor and would let me know if any additional tests would be needed. So I went about my day, confident that his team would know what to do. Julie called me back a bit later and said Dr. Abbott was asking for a dermatology consult to look at him and they'd try to line it up for our Monday visit. 

Less than 30 minutes later I got a call from the receptionist at the Medical Day Unit (MDU) cancer clinic at CHEO saying Ollie needed to be there the next morning at 8 am. Shocked I said, "For WHAT?!". The new receptionist apologized and said it was for a dermatology consult, that they'd put an Emla (skin numbing cream) patch on and a half hour later they'd did a biopsy of his bump under local anesthetic. I thanked him and got off the phone with the overwhelming feelings of gratitude that they were acting so fast and fear for the same reason. This is not new. I felt similar in the weeks after his original biopsy as we waited for specific diagnosis and they prepped with additional scans and tests while we waited.

[Photo description: Ollie sits on a hospital gurney beside his primary oncologist Dr. Lesleigh Abbott with her arm around him in a CHEO exam room in the Medical Day Unit. Both are wearing masks and Dr. Abbott has a stethoscope hanging around her neck.]

When Ollie got home I explained that just to be on the safe side the doctor wanted to do a small skin biopsy to be sure this wasn't his cancer coming back. He asked a lot of questions about the biopsy. Would he be sedated again? Would it hurt? What if the Emla doesn't work? Are we sure they're going to do a biopsy or is it just maybe? How would they do it? Could he choose a punch biopsy vs. a scalpel/razor biopsy? Questions that no 9-year old should ever have to know to ask and just break your heart when you think about everything he's been through to even understand what he felt he needed to know this time.

[Photo description: A skin punch biopsy tool like the one used at CHEO. It has a green rubber handle and a hollow metal tip with a sharp edge.]

A skin punch biopsy is done under local anesthetic (think going to the dentist and having freezing put in for a filling) and uses a punch (at CHEO they called it a cookie cutter) to make a small whole and take the skin out as a sample (think Dr. Pimple Popper).

So I let his school team know what was happening and that he wouldn't be in the next morning and maybe not at all depending on how he felt after. I explained to Ollie in detail what they would likely do and that he was brave and strong and while the anesthetic likely would hurt a bit going in, I'd hold his hand, we'd hug Llama Llama Blue Pajamas and use our best Kids Kicking Cancer power breathing to get through it together. My ever pragmatic Ollie went to sleep with the final words, "Mom I really hope it's not cancer again, but if it is we'll just kick lymphoma's ass again! Love you!" 

As he fell asleep I lay there hugging him and crying silent tears so as not to upset him while I thought about how brave and strong he is and how unfair it is that we have to put him through more after all he's already lost. And I prayed that this is not cancer again and only minor whatever it is. I thanked my amazing God for letting him live so far and asked again that we not have to fight again, but if we must that he will win again. Then I slept poorly and got up to go to hospital. Ollie like the champ he is got up in good spirits, ready to show lymphoma who is boss. 

We talked about how things would go on the way to the hospital and then listened to his Bye Bye Lymphoma playlist the rest of the way. Neither of us ate because we were too nervous and decided we'd go to Tim Horton's for a treat and the Toys R Us for a new toy after to celebrate his bravery. He needs nothing, but I have learned that the promise of a prize after doing the hardest things is a small price to pay for his calm and courage. 

We got to CHEO MDU, and dermatology arrived promptly. We answered a few questions and then they got to work. One of the doctors knew us because she'd done a rotation as a student with Dr. Abbott when Ollie was still in treatment. She reminded us what an excellent doctor we have and I agreed telling them how amazing it was that they would come the very next day after she asked them. I have seen how she interacts with others in hospital. She always treats everyone with respect, affection and gratitude. Her superpowers seem to be empathy, and building relationships (beyond getting kids well obviously), so I am not surprised really that when she asks for help she gets it quickly. That has been our experience each and every time she asks for a consult somewhere in the hospital for us. 

They checked out his back and confirmed the smaller raised bumps all across it were dermatitis from his sweating (which we knew). They confirmed that the spots were slightly raised and could be lesions or a raised rash of some sort.  I had to flag for them that Ollie was blind because as usual that doesn't pop up prominently on his chart and I'd already put his mobility cane away so there was no obvious sign of his blindness. This is an example of why they often call sight loss a hidden disability and we continue to raise awareness, even among medical professionals. So they took extra care explaining everything to him, letting him feel the package for the punch biopsy they'd use and explaining how it works. 

[Photo description: A stock image of a local anesthetic needle being used to freeze the area for a skin biopsy (not Ollie's).]

He laid down with Llama under the opposite arm and I held his hands from the end of the bed so he could squeeze them. I'd put on his playlist for calming and distraction. The local anesthetic was painful for him, but he squeezed my hands hard (a wonder he's never broken my pinkies) and breathed deep while counting through it. Counting also helps because the brain has to focus on remembering the number sequence instead of focusing on the pain or discomfort. We learned that one during radiation as we'd count together over the speaker what was left on the timer. 

Once it was frozen, he said it felt weird, but not bad. Because he was so good they were able to take two biopsies to be sure that they had a good tissue sample. They finished with two stitches in each which he stressed a bit about as he's never been awake the few times they'd put a few stitches in him. Bandages covered them and he was all set. They told me two weeks for the results. I asked couldn't they compare it to his earlier ALCL tissue sample (is kept for 20 years for reattach and comparison) to speed up the process. Their standard answer was that it generally takes 2-3 weeks for skin test results. Julie later told me that she knew Dr. Abbott would be pushing for faster results if possible. The first time they had to send his sample to The Ottawa Hospital, so we had a diagnosis of Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma in a week, but had to wait a second week for ALCL. Given it is a very rare form of cancer with only 5 kids in all of Canada getting this each year, we get that. We remain hopeful for faster results, but that doesn't make the wait any less stressful.

[Photo description: A drawing of a skin punch biopsy being performed as well as a drawing of the layers of skin and fat that are punctured. Copyright of the Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.]

I let him play hooky from school after going to Tim's and Toys R Us. He'd been through enough for one day and I needed him to be near me. His teachers said not to worry and know that they were praying for fast results and good news.

I managed to do a couple of hours of work on the laptop sitting with him while he played quietly and rested. He was tired again, but this time I knew it was emotional and mental exhaustion from the anxiety and holding it together because I felt that way, too. 

[Photo description: Ollie's two bumps stitched up after biopsy. He already has many scars from thinning skin from the long term use of Dexamethasone steroids to control the inflammation in his brain and his Broviac central line that was in his chest.]

Mario was supposed to knock off work early enough for me to take Abby to a medical appointment that afternoon, but was still online fixing a network problem when I left so Ollie watched his shows quietly. Two hours later when we got back, Mario was still online fixing it! So he promised Ollie he would take Friday off to make up for it and Ollie could stay home with him to rest and play quietly. He'd woken up really tired and kind of grumpy on Friday so this seemed best anyways and his teacher said he was already ahead in his work so not to worry. Friday morning he and I had his online session with his CHEO child psychologist. This is an appointment that Ollie makes each time at the end with Dr. Emily Johnson. He chooses if and when he thinks he'll need to see her again. Typically it's 2-4 weeks between appointments. He was angry at me for "making Dad" put the tires in the van before they could play today and taking "his time with Dad" away. As we delved into things further it became obvious that he had a lot of big feelings about the biopsy and having to wait around for us to spend time with him the day before. This is a throw back to inpatient cancer days when anytime he was sick we dropped everything to simply be with and play with him. Both for his sake because he needed the distraction and joy and for us because we feared the worst and didn't want to have any regrets. So for him when he's sick and there are procedures it's all about him again and he doesn't understand that we still have to juggle it all around our "normal" life and obligations. 

It all came out in his session that he was predictably mad and sad that he'd had to have the biopsy procedure and how none of us felt the pain that he did. He said, "I know you all feel pain in your hearts for me, but you don't feel it in your body, too!" And I cried and told him he was totally right and daddy and I wished every moment that we could take the pain instead of him and how brave he always is and how proud we are of him every single moment. And then he hugged me and said he was sorry for making my heart hurt. It was all I could do to hold him and hold my fragile heart together as I marveled at his incredible love and empathy at a time when he was the one hurting most. And as always this was my sign to keep going and to hold on to my hope. Because if he can keep going and being humane no matter what, so can I. People think I'm strong, but the strength in him is often what has propelled me forward when I am uncertain if I can. By the end of the session Ollie was feeling better and I felt like I had an emotional hangover. Dr. Emily is incredible and asked me what additional support we need and reminded me to reach out because she and the amazing psycho-social team were there for us all.

Mario is remaining stoic and says he is certain that it's not cancer. Abby is quiet about it all, but knows we're here to talk. Sometimes like daddy she expresses her fear in anger, so we've seen her temper flare a bit more easily and regularly the last few days over things she'd normally not get upset over. Ollie and I are more easily brought to tears in frustration the past few days. Time to make another appointment for family therapy.

Friday Ollie enjoyed his time with daddy while I ran errands and took Hope out to the CNIB Canine Centre in Carleton Place for a routine eye exam. Having the bit of time on my own was therapeutic and as luck would have it fellow ALCL cancer mama Lisa whose daughter Annika has been a constant inspiration to us called me from the UK to talk it all out. Annika relapsed a few months ago, but is doing well back on Lorlatinib and Lisa had some suggestions for next steps in case we need a new plan. I don't believe in coincidences, just signs and help from God, so this was another perfectly timed shot of help and faith for me.

[Photo description: The Candlelighters Childhood Cancer Support Programs sign on their suite at the Canadian Tire Centre.]

Last night we went to the Imagine Dragons Concert at the Canadian Tire Centre in the Candlelighters Ottawa suite as their guests. We ended up having the entire suite to ourselves! What a luxury! Imagine Dragons have been on Ollie's Bye Bye Lymphoma playlist since about this time two years ago when he was having brain and spine radiation.  We'd been pretty excited to go for the last weeks and tried not to let this week's events put a damper on it. 

[Photo description: Mario and Ollie stand in the Candlelighters suite with the stadium beginning to fill behind them.]

We had a very sweet member of the Canadian Tire Centre's staff taking care of us and she told us that by day she was a grade 2 teacher in Barrhaven. She obviously understood what Candlighters does and asked how we were associated, so I told her Ollie's story and she was so sweet and touched by his story and then very kind to all of us, even bringing the kids each an ice cream bar at the end of the night. 

[Photo description: Ollie is wearing his new Imagine Dragons Concert t-shirt and bathed in the red lights from the concert while dancing in the Candlelighters suite.]

We wore masks when sitting down front as it's open there and apparently there were 10,000 people there last night! Even Abby who often asks when we can stop wearing masks everywhere commented that it would be crazy not to mask there. Thankfully we didn't interact with many people on the way in or out as we arrived early and left a little early as Ollie was getting tired son we didn't stay for the very end and encore as he'd already heard all of his favourites by then anyways. 

Ollie really enjoyed it and Abby was impressed with the experience as she'd never been to a concert before.  Not that she let on to us - but she hasn't taken her new outrageously expensive concert t-shirt off since she got home and I heard her talking to her friends about how cool it was. 😎 Mario enjoyed it and I was glad to do something "normal" with the kids without the bigger risk I'd expected, but I was worried about Ollie who was flushed (it was warm in there and so was I) and pretty tired despite the nap he'd taken earlier. He did get up and dance and sing for every one of his favourite songs, so that was a good sign that it was just normal long days and emotional week fatigue. 

[Photo description: Mario, Ollie, Dawn and Abby sitting on the sofa in the Candlelighters Suite at the Imagine Dragons Concert.]

Our plan is to see his CHEO team on Monday for his regular checkup and blood work and talk about a plan just in case we need one if the news isn't what we hope (with gratitude to Lisa again for some possible next steps recommended from her own experience). And after that we'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other, living our days as we have over the past year with faith guiding us and cautious hope continually moving us forward. 

Thankfully we also have his 6 month MRI, CT, x-rays and bone density scans booked on May 11th (delayed by a month thanks to COVID) so that will give us further clarity on his stability. And I talked to the lovely scheduling person Debbie in Dr. Dollin's office last week about Ollie's surgery victrectomy and laser eye surgery on his second eye and they hope to schedule it by late May (again delayed by COVID). His pressure is holding fine, but we see evidence of his cataracts becoming more prominent as his left eye now looks more grey than blue. The show and planning must go on despite anxiety and waiting for biopsy results.

We will get through this and promise to keep you posted. In the meantime we appreciate your positivity and prayers sent our way for speedy and good news. Be well and grateful for all of the blessings that you enjoy every day. We try so hard not to take ours for granted now that we understand how fast it can all change.

Wishes DO Come True

Over the past year we've made so many wishes...for wellness, strength, hope, prayers, understanding, stem cells and of course, an epic Wish from Make-A-Wish Eastern Ontario. 

To set the stage for Ollie's Make A Wish, we need to give some context as to how it all came together.

When we bought our house 15 years ago, it came with a weird little "accessory building" out back that was then part workshop and part really run down former mother-in-law suite. It had been built in the 1950s and looked like it hadn't been updated since the 1970s. The apartment was not only in rough shape, but also not a legal unit, so we simply used the building as garage/storage and figured we'd eventually get to renovating it and using it for something.

In 2008 when I was pregnant with Abby, we had a winter with an extraordinary amount of snow and the roof of the building caved in. The insurance company came in and put a new higher peaked roof on giving us a large attic space (which recently allowed us to finish that space for Abby's epic hang out room - see my previous blog) and insulated and drywalled the downstairs space leaving it open concept for us to decide what to do with it in future. 

The mostly finished downstairs space in 2008.

So we basically used the space to hold the too many things that one acquires prior to marriage, as one renovates or redecorates, what one finishes using with young children and doesn't know what to do with and so much extra unnecessary stuff . 

Too much stuff.

Then in 2017 we decided to apply with the City of Ottawa to get permission to build a breezeway addition between the house and this building to use it as a rec room, kids playroom (upstairs) and storage. After months of red tape, significant expenses for application, legal, architectural design and urban planning and trying to work with an impossible neighbour we'd never met a street over who opposed our project (she lived behind one of our wonderful next door neighbours), we'd spent over $20,000 and were denied. The Committee of Adjustment did affirm that we could use the accessory/secondary building for recreation process, though, just not live in it. We weren't interested in spending more money on appeals nor did we want to make it a carriage  house and rent it, so we bitterly threw in the towel and left it.

Mario joked about tunneling to it from the house, but I just put it behind me and forgot about it. It was another bitter pill to swallow a year later when the neighbour who opposed it sold her house and moved away. Sigh. Yet, it would seem that this was all part of a master plan as we'd need this space for something else eventually.

Fast forward to last fall when we got back from stem cell transplant in Toronto. We knew we'd be home a lot this year and COVID would likely continue to keep us homebound for a while. We also knew that Ollie's collection of Beyblades, Lego, Bakugans, NERF guns, Hot Wheels, etc. were everywhere thanks to the overwhelming generosity of folks who sent him so many things to keep him busy and to bring him joy when he was sick. They needed a permanent home and Ollie never did like playing in the basement, even when he could see.

So we started thinking maybe we should reclaim space and the natural way to do this was by using the back building somehow. At about the same time, Make-A-Wish (which had merged with the Children's Wish Foundation last year) sent us a message asking if Ollie might like to change his wish from a trip to Atlantis Bahamas to perhaps something that could be purchased for him as with COVID they did not anticipate being able to book trips again for a year or two. 

We talked to Ollie about other possibilities and an epic playroom emerged as the best idea. We told him that when COVID was over and it was safe to do so our family would arrange and pay to take him to Atlantis Bahamas or wherever he wanted to go at that point. He started to get excited about a playroom. To include Abby and acknowledge her incredible gift of stem cells to Ollie last year, we decided to finish the upstairs space for her, too (see my previous blog post for pics of her completed upstairs space).

All his space really needed was for us to clean it out of the extra junk we didn't need, add flooring, a fresh coat of paint and a heating source. 

 

We also decided to add a composting toilet and a DIY plumbing-free sink in a small powder room. Naturally these were bought with Ollie's insurance money to make a more comfortable space for him. The composting toilet cost $2,000(!!!) making it the most expensive seat at our house, but was way cheaper than the $30,000 actual plumbing would have and now we will have compost for our gardens in spring!

Like any kid, Ollie was more interested in the composting toilet box than anything else. He had a blast using it as a fort in the living room for weeks after.

The soon to be powder room...

So we used part of what was left of his critical illness insurance money to do his space and Abby's and put the rest into savings for him (e.g. we started a registered disability savings plan for him) to help with whatever he might need in future as he deals with the long term side effects of his cancer and stem cell transplant including his blindness.

Ollie having an epic NERF battle in the almost completed space over the Christmas holidays.

With a little help from some contractors to downsize our unneeded stuff and a general contractor to do the minor work to finish both spaces, we were ready for Make-A-Wish to help us furnish and make it epic.

The finished storage space to house the seasonal stuff we did need and kept.

Ready in January, just in time for furniture from Make-A-Wish to start arriving...thoroughly cleaned and sanitized to ensure that the touches that many contractors (who were very respectful, wore masks and were careful about their interactions with us because they knew of Ollie's medical situation) left behind would not have an impact on Ollie's physical health.

Normally Make-A-Wish buys everything, comes in, assembles and places it all for you and does a big reveal at the end like a home makeover show would! But of course, COVID changed that, too. When we talked to them about the epic play space, they apologetically told us they couldn't do their usual, so we'd have to do the work they couldn't. 

So Ollie and I decided what needed to be ordered and they sent EXACTLY what he chose. Starting with the real heavy bag for karate punching. He couldn't wait, so daddy installed that first.

Every few days something new arrived and he eagerly opened each just like it was Christmas all over again. Each brought him incredible joy. 

It was a bit like when they were smaller and we'd let them open a gift each day in the days leading up to Christmas because the grandparents sent so many things that they were overwhelming if opened all at once on Christmas Day. 

The 4 in 1 Games table was immediately enjoyed and made us take time in between assembling and building to play. 

He had been insistent that the sofa had to be a sofa bed for future sleepovers and had to be his favourite colour - red. When Make-A-Wish called to tell us that the one we picked was out of stock I said we could likely pick another colour since he couldn't really see it anyways. They quickly replied that if he asked for red, that's what he'd get. Thankfully we found another.

He tried out the sofabed part as soon as we assembled it.

Trying out the new hammock chair...

It was hard for Ollie to be patient as we assembled and built, but by trading off we were able to play with him AND get the project done. 

Taking a break from building and playing some family foosball (whomever is on Ollie's team tells him when he needs to play offense or defense and that stinker never loses a game even though he can't see).

We did have to postpone the first reveal date when we learned that the Ikea cabinets we'd ordered (those were bought by Mommy and Daddy) to house the Lego, Beyblades, etc. would not arrive on time. 

Enjoying some Friday night food delivery after the coffee table (with pop up lid) arrived...

Thankfully with some assistance from a wonderful customer service person at Ikea (thanks Fabienne if you are reading this!) we were able to locate enough of the pieces we need and make different combinations to ready the room.

The trickiest proved to be getting enough cabinets for Lego. His collection is epic. We wanted to display all of what he got while he was sick as each is like a hard won trophy and after he went blind, he worked so hard to be able to build them with us again. 

So much assembly...

 Lego cabinets going in...

Once these started going in, I began the weeks long process of collecting all of his Lego from the various cabinets and shelves around the house and placing it in cabinets. And we had to keep buying more to accommodate the entire collection with a bit of space for future, too (since he still had 8 sets he got that he hadn't built yet).

Are you starting to see why we didn't ask Make-A-Wish for actual toys? ;-)

How we did our DIY sink...an Ikea vanity with sink, an RV power pump, new gas cans (one with fresh water from the house and the other to collect grey water), and a bit of tubing.

The composting toilet, complete with a bit of Star Wars humour added as well as a pull down safety rail for Ollie.

 

Finally, March 3rd arrived and was officially Wish reveal day. Vanessa from Make-A-Wish of Eastern Ontario hung out in our driveway to represent and ensure it was exciting for him.

With presents, Gabriel Pizza delivered for lunch and cake, how could it not be a terrific event despite COVID?! 

On our way into the new space (now known as the "Clubhouse") to do the reveal via a Zoom video call so Vanessa and others from Make-A-Wish (Sharon and Isabel who helped with all of the ordering and special additions) could see it, too. Vanessa hung out in the driveway.

Showing off his new accessible TV.

Here's what they got for Ollie (thanks in large part to eQ Homes who sponsored his wish):

- Red Sofa bed

- Coffee table

- End tray tables

- Bucket Chair and ottoman

- TV with accessibility options that allow him to give his TV voice commands

- Video camera, tripod and green screen (he and Abby want to start a YouTube channel to highlight toys for blind kids)

- Hammock Chair

- 4-in-1 Games Table

- Heavy (punching) bag and accessories

- Red retro mini fridge

- Many tactile building and activity kits (e.g. STEM, gardening, etc.)

- Make-A-Wish swag (e.g. T-shirts, backpack, sunglasses, blanket, etc.)

Lego and Tom the Bear (a gift when he was in hospital) now have permanent homes.

A small bit of the Lego on display.

Pic taken day before reveal, but gives a better sense of everything together.

So many cabinets with Beyblades!

Excited to have cake - they even asked what his favourite was! 

Thrilled to be part of the Make-A-Wish family and so grateful to them, their donors, especially eQ Homes and so many others who helped us to bring this Wish to fruition for him.

Want to help us to "Wish It Forward" for another brave kid like Ollie? You can make a donation here.

Ultimately that was our version of the COVID home reno project! And by extension we gained a clean and less cluttered space in our home, space for the kids to grow into with friends after COVID and for family to enjoy when they visit and many amazing memories of focusing on something positive after so much stress during his many treatments and procedures over the past 16 months.