Kindness and Connections

As lovely as it is that it is World Kindness Week, I can't help but think that we're missing the point of being kind if we have to pick a week to get everyone to practice kindness.

Fortunately we have been surrounded by kindness and support everywhere we turn since Ollie's diagnosis in November 2019. From our best friends, to members of our community to even perfect strangers, people have gone out of their way to help us. Meal trains, chauffeuring our daughter to events and lessons, the school and church holding events in honor of Ollie and benefiting CHEO, and this week a veritable army of strangers was trying to help us find a lost stuffed llama (see previous post for context if you missed it). 

To my great surprise, my tongue in cheek tweet about a lost stuffie got retweeted many times and seemed to resonate with people. Wednesday evening the first replacement Llama Llama Blue Pajamas arrived at the hospital. Turns out friends of our oncologist, Dr. Abbott had one, saw our call for help and sent her LLBP the Second to make Ollie happy! 

A package from school also arrived Wednesday. It was a beautiful superhero cape handmade by one of the lovely teaching assistants, with a St. George Dragon on it and signed by everyone at school. This was for their Superhero for CHEO day where they raised over $700 in donations for CHEO in honour of Ollie. 

On Thursday, Ollie had an MRI under sedation. When we arrived to meet the anesthesiologist and MRI staff, they made a huge fuss over Ollie and what a celebrity he was and even asked him for his autograph (he very seriously complied)! Everyone was genuinely thrilled to congratulate him on his fame.

Later that day, Alex Munter, CEO and President of CHEO stopped by to meet Ollie (Alex and I had met before) and see how the hunt for Llama was going. He joked that we'd likely receive an army of Llamas after all the interest and told us if we needed anything not to hesitate to contact him. I've always admired him and how much passion he brings to every challenge he takes on. He has a way of making everyone around him feel important. We appreciated his visit and I told Ollie later that with his bravery, determination and focus I was confident that he'll be an important and kind man making things better for everyone one day, just like Alex.

The Llama that Shoppers Drug Mart sent Ollie also arrived at the house on Thursday night. Abby was pretty thrilled to receive it on her brother's behalf. Such kindness from a major corporation. Clearly one with people who care. And Shoppers was asked to help by Jill Promoli who is an advocate for getting the flu shot since the tragic death of her son Jude almost 4 years ago when he was only 2. She went to bat for Ollie immediately simply to bring him joy. What strength and compassion she has to help others after all she's been through. Truly kind.

I was also happy to get a message from Claudia at CTV who did the interview with us Wednesday and wondered how he was doing today and if we had received a Llama. She was so kind, gentle and patient during the interview even as he started to get impatient and say, "Next question." when he didn't want to talk about something anymore. He may be a politician or a press secretary yet!

We also had a wonderful visit with Mumtaz who is a dear family friend and one of Ollie's former daycare early childhood educators. She is hands down one of the kindest souls we know.

She brought news and gifts from his daycare at school...guess what they bought him...little llama friends for Llama Llama Blue Pajamas!

Today Ollie had no procedures or tests for a change, so he had a visit with his new CHEO Buddy, Steve. Steve is a first year medical student at University of Ottawa and applied to a mentoring program run by CHEO to spend time with kids to explore whether pediatrics might be of interest when he chooses a specialty and to help a CHEO patient have a friend to distract them while undergoing treatment. Since I was a Big Sister and Mario was a Big Brother for Big Brothers Big Sisters Ottawa before we met and had our kids, this seemed like a perfect program to help our son through a difficult time. We both know first-hand the value of mentoring youth. 

Steve was terrific and gentle with Ollie, navigating his blindness challenge like a pro. They played Beyblades where he marveled at Ollie's ability to identify each one of the sizes in his collection by feel. He also coached Ollie through building some Lego mini figures. I can already tell Steve has a kind heart, a great bedside manner and would be a great pediatric doctor. Can't wait to see what he does in future.

Ollie was also thrilled to be visited by his teacher, Ms. Sherri. She had come yesterday at his request, but when his MRI took longer than expected, she visited with me and then promised to come again today after walking the picket line for the teacher strike. Again, I defy people to tell me that educators aren't amazing and care more about money than our kids.

She has this incredible way of reaching kids where they are. She not only taught him some new ways to navigate the world blind, but she also built him up constantly and asked him sincere and gentle questions about how he was feeling about everything. His answers were the most honest I've heard from him. His psychiatrists could take lessons from Ms. Sherri!

She also insisted he demonstrate how he could get out of bed and move around the room independently. 

While Ms. Sherri was there, I got a message from Sophie at the CHEO Foundation telling me that some dungeons had been dropped off specifically for Ollie. I popped down to pick them up. Turns out the staff at a Calendar Club Store that is closing its doors saw his interview and thought he'd appreciate some brand new games, puzzles and a big huggable new friend...So very sweet of them to think of him at a time when they are actually losing their jobs!

So these are but a few of the many acts of kindness that have happened to us this week. I want to end with one final example that is too meaningful to me to be random or a coincidence. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I like to connect dots and find connections between things. It's a big part of what I do in my job and is sometimes hard to explain. A former boss and friend of mine who understands the power of this once told me that it was one of my greatest strengths and not that common a skill. I believe in connections between people, ideas, organisations, families, communities, policies...you name it and they're there if you try to piece things together. 

Tonight before I left the hospital to come and be with Abby, the nurses handed me another special package that arrived for Ollie. When he opened it, there was another little Llama friend for Llama Llama Blue Pajamas with a card explaining it was the only Llama that the donor could find. The card said that Louise from Brampton was sending it because she liked to do random acts of kindness and we could look her up on the internet if we were interested in why. So I just googled her and now I'm crying because the dots were connected for me. She does 26 random acts of kindness to strangers whose stories have touched her heart - one act for each life lost at Sandy Hook Elementary School. 

This was a tragedy that touched me deeply. My Abby was mere months younger than the little angels who were senselessly taken that day and my mama's heart ached then and now for all of them. I have followed those brave parents on social media since and tried to help them spread their messages far and wide. I have marveled at their bravery and determination to keep going when they must just want to lie down and let go so often. I feel that way often right now and my child is still alive. I feel like Louise' kindness was divine intervention to remind me that others who suffer more than we do have kept going and we can, too. 

So with 36 days under our belt and at least another 18 more to go with his next round of chemo scheduled to start Monday, we won't lie down, we'll keep going, fueled by the kindness of so many and one day we'll pay it  forward, too. 

Like having a newborn all over again...

Breakfast of champions...

Parents, remember that feeling from when your babies were infants and you were so sleep deprived and suddenly one night they slept through the night and you awoke refreshed and then immediately panicked because they didn't wake and so there must be something wrong with them?!

After a solid night of sleep with Ollie having no fever and his PICC line finally fixed, I woke at 7:30. It was an 8.5 hour sleep for me where I woke only twice when I heard the nurse checking his vitals and when he woke to pee once. He slept 11.5 hours! 

Naturally I immediately checked that he was breathing, just as I did when he was an infant and then my logical brain reminded me that they're monitoring everything and alarms would have gone off if there were problems. 

Unfortunately, he did feel sick when he woke and since he had thrown up his dinner last night because he seemed fine and we didn't take the Gravol last night, I asked a nurse to give him something preemptively today. Sadly we got it too late, so he did more throwing up this morning, but he says he felt better after and the meds quickly worked so he could eat some toast. 

Mario was here last night while Abby was at youth group bowling and just trying to be normal.  This morning we were messaging. Them having morning snuggles there and us doing same here while exchanging pictures. It felt a bit like when we were in the hospital having Ollie and I was in the hospital for four days after the c-section while Gamma was home with Abby. That was our longest separation as a family to-date.

Inter-family communication...

Thank God for texting, video calls and social media. I can only imagine how difficult all of this was before technology long ago like when my dad and his siblings were young adolescents and their dad had cancer of the larynx. 

It's hard for folks who have never been around a cancer patient undergoing chemo to understand how prudent it is to avoid bacteria and potential viruses. The chemo basically kills Ollie's immune system meaning that any little bug that would normally only mean a runny nose or sore throat could land him in isolation and require other meds, blood cultures, oxygen tents, etc. In fact CHEO does not permit any kids under 14 to visit from November to March during virus season (siblings of patient excepted, but only if they're well) to keep all kids safe. So we can also video chat or send photos if anyone wants and Ollie is feeling well enough. His teacher has already tested an online video chat with us and it is ready to go!

Speaking of his teachers, we were thrilled to have a visit today from St. G teachers and friends, Mrs. Didiomete (Ollie's actual English teacher this year), Mrs. Hatoum (On Parent Council with me and Abby's former grade 3 teacher) and her daughter Gabby. It really brightened Ollie's spirits and he laughed a lot. I cannot give enough kudos to his amazing school and the selfless people who work there. I felt this way before all of this and now I know that God intended us to be among his angels on earth to help see us through the darkness. 

Ollie being silly with Mrs. D, Llama Llama Blue Pajama, Gabby and Mrs. H.

Mario and Abby are coming shortly and Mario will stay tonight with Ollie while I spend some special time at home with Abby. This is all an incredible balancing act, just like it was with our newborns...trying to puzzle out our roles in a way that is complementary and makes us the strongest team. I have to say that when the kids were born Mario really surprised me with how tender and helpful he was with all of us and those same incredible qualities continue through this situation. Then and now there have been so many moments where I was so happy that I married my strong, yet loving partner. After 15 years together (11 with children), we have grown together to adapt to whatever our new situation is and I am so thankful that we are in this together.

Finally, there's the fact that I am now off for at least the 6-8 months of his treatment, just like I was on maternity leave. Mario and I have terrific employers do have told us to take whatever time we need and not to worry about anything there. I am off as the primary caregiver and M is taking time off for big stuff.