Vale annus horribilis (Goodbye horrible year)!

Like everyone else, with it being New Year's we are looking back and reviewing the year we've had. Many many times in the last weeks I've reflected on the happenings of 2020 and re-read my blog posts from the past year. Often they caused tears to stream uncontrollably. Sometimes they brought laughter over the unbelievable absurdity of what our life has been like this year. Always they inspired gratitude for all that we have overcome with your help.

Last New Year's Eve Ollie and I had just been admitted to CHEO for round 2 of chemo.

While it's true that we have had a pretty rough 2020, we are ending it with all we need - namely our family together, happy and healthy. Sadly we know families that had a much worse year than we did and have lost so much, like their innocent babies being taken prematurely by cancer and loved ones who succumbed to COVID-19. Our hearts have ached from their losses and our prayers have begged for their healing. Thankfully we also know many strong families who have overcome critical illnesses and their side effects to finally arrive on the path to wellness. 

 Family together after Ollie's successful engraftment during his stem cell transplant.

When I asked Ollie if there was anything special he'd like for New Year's Eve, he asked for a vanilla cake with sprinkles. Fortunately this proved easy to find through Instacart when we ordered groceries. The shopper asked if we'd like to have anything written on it. It seemed to us to be apropos to eat a "Goodbye 2020" cake. This year we have gotten our cake and tonight we ate it, too. 

We also let Ollie blow out "20" candles and make a wish to usher out the worst year of our lives. Again this seems completely right given this past week was actually his half birthday (when they were little we used to celebrate half birthdays because a year was too long to wait for cake!) and technically 6 months in remission for him and in a mere three weeks it'll be 6 months post-transplant. If those aren't reasons to grant the kid a wish, I don't know what would be.

As we ate cake, we talked about what we are grateful for this year and our biggest lessons learned. Here are our lists:

Ollie:

1. I am grateful for my family and friends who love me and helped me to get well.

2. I learned to be grateful even though my treatments were hard because many people don't survive cancer and I did.

3. I am grateful for chicken burgers.

4. I am grateful for my sister who saved me so I can still love AND annoy her! 😝

 Abby finally reunited with Ollie after he relapsed in his brain and finally got out of ICU. This was the day we went to have our blood tests done to see who would be the match for Ollie's stem cell transplant. Abby always said it would be her.

Abby:

1. I have learned that we should all be grateful for what we have today, because tomorrow is uncertain.

2. I have learned about and am grateful for makeup which has been a good diversion for me this year.

3. I am grateful that I still have my brother.

4. I have learned what is really important in life - being part of a family that loves each other.

5. I am grateful that none of us have gotten COVID-19 and passed it on to Ollie.

6. I am grateful for friends who have loved me and made me part of their family this year when mine couldn't always be together.

Family Day in February 2020. First time we'd all been together in over a month. Longest time we'd ever been apart and worst month of our lives.

Mario:

1. I have learned patience.

2. I am grateful for the family that I have.

3. I am grateful for the people around the world, some who I have never met, who cared about and prayed for my family.

The family in Toronto after Abby donated her stem cells and Ollie relapsed in his brain again. Waiting for a new drug to work (it didn't, but later going home for radiation and another new drug did) and trying to make the best of things while we waited and prayed for our miracle.

Dawn:

1. I am grateful to God for saving Ollie with the help of medicine, science and Abby's stem cells.

2. I always worried that Mario or I would become very ill and wondered how we'd weather it without family nearby, but have learned how incredible our friends, family and community are and that they have our backs and have been and will be there when we need them.

3. I am grateful for people who love my children like their own. For those that came to the hospital even when I know it was hard to see Ollie so sick and for those that lovingly watched over Abby and got her through tough times when I couldn't be there. 

4. I have learned that Nurses, Doctors and medical staff are superheroes in scrubs. That they are dependable, nurturing and truly care about their patients and their families. That when you use your voice in a positive, yet assertive way, the best ones will listen and let you help them to save your loved one.

5. I have learned that you can get used to living under the most stressful and bizarre circumstances if you stay hopeful and focused on getting through the next thing you need to do and not look beyond today. As a former strategic planner who is always focussed on long term goals this one was really hard for me.

6. I have learned how strong we all are, yet how important it also is to let yourself be vulnerable and feel your feelings. That feeling and showing them to others are signs of strength, not weakness.

Nurse Joan at Sick Kids Hospital supported us through Abby's 5 hour stem cell donation process. 

Jenna and Vic visit Ollie when he was in the ICU and Abby and Mario had strep throat and couldn't come. I was so grateful for them and two other dear friends who came in our darkest hours and supported us.

Not surprisingly, we're not sad to see 2020 leave as it truly has been our "annus horriblis", but we also realize that we have learned many important lessons and received many blessings this year because of our struggles. 

Wishing all of us a 2021 filled with love, laughter, joy and health!

"Boring" Weekends are the Best!

 It was a quiet weekend of togetherness...

 And seeing a few friends for visits and retail therapy...

And pizza...

More robust blog post coming on Monday with next steps...

Hugs to all!

Family, Food and Fantastic Beasts

 Ollie and Mommy snuggling...

Saturday was tougher than we expected because Ollie had extra meds that he was supposed to take orally and hated the taste, so his gag reflux kept kicking in and he threw up multiple times. His nurse, Nelson was awesome and kept trying to find creative new ways to help him get them down. 

Mario and Abby came to visit and we spent some time in the Sens Den together having dinner and watching a movie. Then Daddy stayed with him so Mommy could have time with Abby. Ollie cried when we left, desperately wanting to go home and I hugged him as he cried in real sadness for the first time on this journey. So hard, but Daddy soon teased him into a better mood and gave him snuggles. 

Chilling out in the Sens Den watching a movie.

Abby and I went to Indigo and shopped a little, but mostly thought of Ollie and ended up buying only things to make him happy. We got a Starbucks drink and headed home to snuggle, watch tv and do facial masks together. 

Today we had many things to do including shipping some Christmas packages with presents previously bought, buying jeans for Abby who seems to have had a growth spurt during all of this and picking up Abuelita (Mario's mom) to go for a visit to the hospital.

Daddy and Abby

We also had extended family Kevin (Mario's Little Brother from our days volunteering at Big Brothers Big Sisters Ottawa) and his mom, Barbara come to visit. Ollie was happy and his usual energetic and silly self. They almost couldn't believe he has cancer. 

Barbara, Kevin and Ollie

We had brought leftovers from meals that were kindly brought to the house for us over the last few days and were happy to share it with this great little group of family. We are so grateful for the many amazing people who are feeding us and it's clear they're trying to keep us all pleasantly plump based on how much food keeps coming. Ollie was thrilled with the gathering and it felt more normal than having another meal in his hospital room. We also decorated his room a bit for Christmas (although we expect to be home December 10) and started his Advent calendar.

 Abby's decorating...

It has become obvious that striking the right balance between our children's needs is going to be challenging over the coming months. Both need each of us to comfort and reassure them that everything will be okay. Ollie clearly loves his daddy, but missed me last night because today he just kept asking for hugs, wanting to sit or snuggle with me and thanking me for all I am doing for him while apologizing if he's been mean to me lately. Just an example of the sensitive and sweet boy that we have been blessed with. I pray that this experience makes him grateful for the kindness of others and for all of the good that he will have in his life after all of this. We're talking a lot about how powerful our minds and positive thinking are and their importance to us being successful in kicking lymphoma out and he seems to finally be coming around to this idea.