Coaching, Managing Change and Making Plans

Ollie was the man with a plan this morning...

This morning as soon as he woke, Ollie asked to make a plan for today including things we HAD to do and fun things we COULD do after we finished the stuff we had to do. It's the first time in three weeks away from school that he's wanted to write anything or take control over what is happening to him. 

We have spent the last six weeks in and out of CHEO for so many tests to confirm Ollie's diagnosis. Every first has been hard and would have been for most adults never mind an anxious child who feels he has no control over his body at the moment. We've heard a lot of "I can't" and each time have coached him through it and tried to get him to understand how powerful his mind and attitude really are in all of this. 

Most kids hate change...it's why we as parents and teachers use routine and predictable patterns which are essential to keeping kids calm and well-adjusted. Yes, kids are adaptable, but they need time and coaching to be aware of, prepare for and work through major changes to avoid major melt-downs and stress. 

Every report card Ollie has gotten to-date says that he has difficulty with transitions. Abby was similar when younger and has learned to manage her stress related to change by planning and making lists to prepare. They're definitely my kids that way, although in his own way Mario always has a plan too. Given a tragedy he experienced in his family as a child, his unwritten mental plan is always to know exactly where all exits and potential threats are from the start of any journey or event to be ready to escape as needed. So it seems only fitting that our kids need, at the very least, informal transition plans to adapt well. 

Sadly, you cannot really plan for what we are going through. Yes, you can find ways to mitigate the risk if it happens (like banking cord blood and buying critical illness insurance for the kids which we are so grateful we did...can you tell I have training in risk management, too?!), but when you're leading up to diagnosis and starting treatment so rapidly, there is no time to transition. You're just in it. One minute you're undergoing tests and taking medicines because they think it is a relative of TB and the next morning it is lymphoma and your whole life changes in an instant.

This is where my training and certification in coaching and change management have helped. Mario and I immediately began to be coached by the oncology team and in turn became coaches to both of our kids and each other, working together to get us all successfully to the finish line in 6-8 months. Unfortunately though, there is no time to train for this event, you're just using everything you've got daily to stay ahead. I've never been a distance runner, but after all of this is over I might take it up. 

Change management guides how we prepare, equip and support people to adopt change. In my job I am always thinking about how changes to our programs and tools will affect our clients. Every day of the last six weeks has been about managing change for Ollie and our family. How can we prepare Ollie, Abby and ourselves for the next test, next step? What do we need to do to equip ourselves to get through this not only whole, but stronger? How can we support Ollie through the fear and pain of this journey while ensuring Abby is still able to have as normal a graduation year as possible and Mario and I take care of each other while getting them through this? Positivity, lots of hugs, unfailing faith and backbone are the answer for us. 

Despite my discomfort with the idea of us being perceived as asking for donations to buy Ollie a Nintendo Switch when his sister and friends begged to be able to fundraise for it, after talking to the wonderful parents of her friends, I adapted and let them do it. It was their way of supporting him in the change. We've also included Abby in every discussion about his health and what comes next so she understands and doesn't feel we're hiding anything scary from her. 

Same with Ollie...I promised not to talk behind his back about his body and his lymphoma and to make sure he could understand everything that will happen to him. So every day we share with Ollie what is coming next, we share stories of perseverance and tell him how much he impresses us every day with his bravery. We remind him that he can get the medicine down because he's already done it 11 times successfully in five days in hospital and can do it a twelfth time. 

We celebrate when he can swallow sprinkles and Nerds candy whole like pills as we work up to learning how to swallow real pills and capsules. This will make it easier for him to take them when we get home, to avoid his gag reflex brought on by tastes of the liquid meds and next time in hospital he'll be able to take them for his steroids instead of constantly being hooked up to an IV. 

 Ollie working up to swallowing pills and capsules...

And today he took charge of his own schedule and changes and made a plan. Progress.