Critical Caregiving Mamas

I've been thinking a lot recently about motherhood and how we are supported by other mothers as we raise our children. When you become a mother for the first time it can strangely be a very lonely time. A time when you're so busy and overwhelmed that you don't always have the time or energy to maintain friendships with other women, and yet you so desperately need them to feed your soul and keep you sane. Eventually you fall into your "tribe", often becoming closest to other mothers, who have children of similar ages who are your children's friends. I am fortunate to have such a tribe of strong mamas around me daily. But cancer has also brought an unexpected bounty of mamas to my extended tribe.

Before cancer I always made it my goal to try to be as good as I could at motherhood, even though I found it frequently challenging. I always told myself that at the end of my life when I have left my legacy, I want it to be that I was a good mom and raised kind humans.  

The day to day trials and tribulations that you have to go through as a mother sometimes seem like an endless line of thankless tasks. And then there are the moments of pure unadulterated joy with and pride in your children when you know all of the hard moments were worth it for that one beautiful, heartbursting moment of mutual love and adoration.  

I've been complimented very often over the past year on my parenting and how I have handled everything about Ollie's illness as a mother. People marvel at my strength, just as I have done same for others I knew who handled similar before me. My response is always the same as theirs was...that you just do it, because what else would you or could you do? We had to save our children. It's really not so extraordinary when you are one of too many of us who have had to fight this battle. Some of the best mamas that I know today have been through a lot of unimaginable things. 

That's not to say that the dads aren't amazing parents through this, too because they are and I am really grateful that my kids have a devoted father who has been there every step of the way, also doing everything to save our son. And I met several fathers who were their sick kid's primary caregiver, but obviously it is most often the mothers like me. So I want to take a moment to pay tribute to the mamas with sick kids who have walked my path before me and with me. 

There's an old Sick Kids Hospital Mother's Day commercial called Sick Kids VS. Momstrong that shows moms as superheroes, but not because they're always strong. Quite the contrary, it shows us as vulnerable, fearful, agonized, exhausted and yet we persist. We get up from our knees, wherever we have lay down curled up in a ball, or just get out of the shower where we were sobbing in private agony. We put on our armour and we go back into battle for our kids because they need us and we can't breath without them.

At the beginning of this I knew moms who had kids with long term medical issues and a couple of moms whose children had leukemia. Along the way, other friends have connected me to mothers that they knew who have fought for their child's life against cancer. Still others I have met online through social media and cancer forums. Some are from Ottawa, others from Toronto, and many live in different cities around the world. I've never met any of them in person, yet they have been selfless and unwavering confidants and advisors. If you would have told me a year ago that I would go through all of this and that there would be amazing women who I had never met who would step forward to support me in my worst hours, I couldn't have believed that this was really possible. 

Why would someone put themselves out there to help someone they don't even know, bear all the agony that I was going through and possibly trigger their own post traumatic stress disorder?! Yet they did! You would think they would want to hide from anything that would remind them of their kids being so sick, and yet there they were coming forward willingly, offering support and giving advice. Holding me up and pushing me forward, often when I didn't know how to keep going or what to do next. So many fierce, yet kind caregiver mamas like: Samar, Christine, Melissa, Emily, Julia, Lisa, Kelly, Sam, Chris, and Marion. 

Or even stronger mamas like Carolyn and Jill who fought, but still lost their babies. They did everything right as mothers and caregivers, but senselessly and unfairly lost their babies anyways. And still these superheroes persist in continuing to support people like me, so that we can try to hold on to our babies in ways that they were unable to. True selflessness. 

I am also blessed to have many amazing women, and many great mamas, in my everyday life who have nurtured and mothered me and my family over the last year as we battled Ollie's disease. I have written about many of them and each and every one of them has my deepest affection and gratitude for always being there when we needed them. 

Women are amazing and at their best when they're good to each other and raising each other up. Thank you all for being part of my tribe.